The Path to Simplicity
“When you act to limit what you don’t want for your family, you clarify what you really do need, what is important to you. Your values clarify. Simplification is a path of self-definition for the family.”
- Kim John Payne
Every family just starting out feels the need to find a new way of being together. The ‘babymoon’ period, when a family is joining each other as a physical unit for the first time, is characterized by an urge to slow down and pull in close. Regardless of your child’s age when they join your family or when or how your family forms anew, there is a need to pause and re-form. This is a great time to look at your family culture and define how you can be together as you grow.
Imagine your family values as the leaves of a tree. In the spring, when life is new, they are buds- just a hint of what is to come. They may be the beginnings of compassion, kindness, joy, creativity. As summer approaches they spread out, broad and full. At any moment, we can reach up and pluck one of the leaves as a reminder of our family values: “in our family, we value respect and consideration...let’s try that again, a little more softly.” In the fall, we may find that we have grown and matured; some things may begin to drop, to go to rest, ready to be left behind. They may change to a new coloration, a new shape that adds nuance to our values: “in our family we value respect and consideration, does this plan take into account your sister’s after-school lesson and your brother’s work schedule or does it only work for your schedule?”
Things are simpler when our children are younger; we all work toward common goals as we move together as a family unit. Defining values in the early years of family life brings greater ease to later years when our children’s development asks us to expand our community beyond our family, as seen in the example above. Having clearly defined values in place early on means that we have created boundaries that can also grow as our family matures.