Unpolished Parenting
I have been dragging my feet in getting this blog started. First, because I’ve never really considered myself a blog writer and I’m not sure anyone is interested in what I have to say. Second, because I am the mother of three young children (4, 2, and 6 months) and when do I have the time to write, let alone think uninterrupted thoughts? And most importantly, because it makes me feel vulnerable.
But then I realized I’m vulnerable already.
Being a parent, especially a nursing/working mother, is a vulnerable place to be for so many reasons. For one, my heart now exists outside my body in three tiny humans; these three tiny humans are with me pretty much everywhere I go (especially the one still nursing), and I spend most of my waking (and sleeping) hours caring for them. This not only requires a lot of energy, it also leaves me feeling pretty frayed and exposed.
Being a parent also limits my freedom, my mobility, and my ability to focus. All things that put a person into a vulnerable position. It’s not often that I can just get up and go somewhere or do something; even rarer still that I can go somewhere or do something alone, and this includes the bathroom. At this point, I am usually holding a baby, while one or both of my other two children are jumping about, walking under my feet, or trying to climb up on me (or the furniture or each other). A good amount of my time is spent under, alongside, up against, and with my children.
Then, to add to the vulnerability, are my feelings of guilt and embarrassment. A fair amount of the shame and judgement floating around out there is directed at parents. This comes at us as anything from unsolicited advice to outright criticism. I worry fairly frequently that most of what I'm doing is going to screw my kids up in some way.
And yet, despite the feelings of vulnerability, the overstimulation, the big feelings, the co-regulating, the sleep deprivation, meeting so many needs, and the general chaos of life with three small children… I do still find moments of peace, gratitude, joy, and cuteness. So much cuteness.
As we enter a New Year, a time for new beginnings (hopefully joyful ones), I’m going to give something new a try… putting myself out there. Not as a parenting expert, but as a parent myself. An imperfect, unpolished, parent just showing up. Hopefully some of what I have to share will remind others that they are not alone. All of us who share our lives with young children are faced with having to embrace vulnerability, guilt, shame alongside all the love, joy, warmth, and cuteness. So much cuteness.
The most important thing we can do for ourselves, our children, and each other is to just be there.
So, here I am.