Margit Foster

Timing is everything when it comes to sleep!

A common mistake when it comes to reading sleepy cues is confusing sleepy cues with overtired signs. Every child cues a little differently, but let’s break down the difference between common sleepy cues and overtired signs.

Sleepy Cues in Infants:

• Decreased activity

• Slower motions

• Less vocal

• Sucking is weaker or slower

• Quieter

• Calmer

• Appears disinterested in surroundings

• Eyes are less focused

• Eyelids drooping

• Yawning

• Less social

  Overtired Signs in Infants:

• Fussing

• Cranky

• Irritability

• Rubbing eyes

• Falling asleep whenever in motion (car, stroller, swing, etc)

• Increased activity and being "wound up" after sleep window has passed

• Boredom with toys or lack of engagement

• Pulling at ears

• Sucking on fingers (even when full)

• Having difficulty settling into sleep

• Waking more frequently at night

• Sleeping more restlessly

  Sleepy Cues in Toddlers and Children

• Motions are slower

• Heavy eyelids or just staring off into space

• Less vocal

• A small yawn

• Disinterest in what’s going on around them (they are now ignoring the dog they just tried

  to hitch a ride on)

• Calm/relaxed

  Overtired Signs in Toddlers and Children:

• Fussing

• Cranky

• Irritability

• Rubbing eyes

• Tantrums that aren’t typical for your child and come out of nowhere

• Clumsiness

• Clinginess

• More vocal

• Fidgety

• Having to be woken up to stay on a normal sleep schedule

• Unusually hyperactive

• Aggressive

• Frequent night wakings

• Have more difficulty settling into sleep

• Wake more frequently at night

• Sleep more restlessly

• Tend to wake earlier in the morning

• Potentially have difficulty with naps

• Boredom or disinterest in activities or toys

  Some children will exhibit many sleepy cues, whereas others will exh ibit few to none. The goal is to catch our children before t hey become overtired. Once a child is overtired, the hormone cortisol is released which makes it more difficult to fall asleep and stay asleep. Once you see sleepy cues, begin your bedtime routine. If you miss your child’s sleepy cues, start your soothing routine earlier next time.

  Methods to Catch Sleepy Cues

Observation Practice Developing an observation practice takes just a few minutes a day. While we are usually paying close attention to our children, an observation practice is an opportunity to take a step back and observe our child from a more objective perspective. It helps us distinguish between our child’s needs and our projections, and know when to intervene or when to stay out of the way. We can observe the subtleties of the child’s behavior and untangle the difference between sleepy cues and overtired signs. This practice is helpful for children of all ages, but it is especially helpful for newborns as they are not on a biological schedule yet.

• Take a few minutes each day to sit and observe quietly with the intention of really noticing and understanding your child.

• Take deep breaths through the nose.

• Notice what questions come up.

• Make observations rather than judgements.

• Be curious and interested.

• Try not interfere or interact unless your child has a need.

  Use Biological Timing For children over the age of 4 months, their natural biological sleep rhythms will fall around the same time each day. It is important to push our child as close to their biological timing as possible. It can be a constant balance between making it to biological time and avoiding the overtired state.

  There are some fluctuations that will happen within a biological schedule. For example, if your child has a short or mistimed nap, he or she may need an earlier bedtime. An observation practice will help you to determine whether you are timing your child’s sleep well. Use the schedule as a roadmap and your child’s behavior as the road signs telling you if you are on the right path.

  Children will become chronically overtired if we continually miss their sleepy window. When this happens, parents may mistake the overtired signs for a developmental change, teething, or normal toddler behavior. If you think your child may be chronically overtired, use an early bedtime to help get sleep back on track.

  Chart Naps and Night Sleep Don’t rely on your memory to remember sleepy cues and patterns. It can be helpful to chart naps and night sleep using pen and paper or using a nap charting app. T ake notes about your child’s sleepy cues, time of naps and bedtime, and your child’s behavior. While I don’t recommend wake windows (the amount of time awake before sleep) as the primary indicator of sleep timing, it can be a helpful tool. Use your child’s behavior as your primary metric for sleep timing.

  Use the Scientific Method You know your question--what are my child's sleep cues? You have done your research. Now you can make a guess. Based on what you have observed so far, what are your child's sleepy cues?